Tales From The Snakes' Nest
by Kaen Okami
Summary: "In a house with a witch, three shinobi, and a meister-weapon team, life isn't exactly good, but no one can say it's ever dull." Oneshots set in the He'll Never Be My Son universe. Updates will be irregular.


**A/N – Takes place after the end of Chapter 1.**

**~0~**

_"You promised you'll be my guinea pig, didn't you?"_

_"Now there's a conversation I don't recall."_

- Washu Hakubi and Tenchi Muyo, _Tenchi Muyo!_

~0~

Exhausted but entirely satisfied, Orochimaru allowed himself to relax and lie back against the pillows, the fabric cool on his bare body. He smiled. "If _that _didn't knock you up, nothing will," he said through heavy panting. "I believe this is the first time you've let me inside of you so completely, isn't it?"

Medusa, equally unclothed, gave him a smile back. "It is. I have to say, that was better than I expected. You've outdone yourself." He felt the tension leave her body as she laid down on top of him, resting her head on his chest. "Though don't be too disappointed if it doesn't happen this time. It's probably going to take quite a few tries...to 'knock me up,'" she added teasingly. "No complaints there, though. If it's anything like this it might even make childbearing worth it."

"Well, I wouldn't know anything about that." The subject of their soon-to-be child made something occur to him. "Medusa? Can I ask you something?"

"Hm?"

"You asked me if I would sire your child. Obviously I'm agreeing, but say I'd said no. What would you have done? Found someone else?"

He felt her smirk against his skin. "You actually think I'd sleep around behind your back? Really, Maru, what kind of woman do you take me for?" She leaned over to reach for their discarded clothes, piled on the floor beside her bed, and drew something out of her pocket to show him. "I had a backup plan all ready for you."

Orochimaru tilted his head questioningly at the tiny glass vial of white powder dangling from his partner's fingertips. It looked familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. "Medusa...?"

"Ketamine," she explained conversationally. "Tasteless, odorless, causes unconsciousness and amnesia when ingested. Had you refused me, I'd have simply slipped a little of this into your drink and taken you down to the lab. There are ways other than sex to get ahold of a man's genetic material." At the scandalized look on her partner's face, she laughed. "Come now, Maru, don't look at me like that. You asked, and I told you the absolute truth. I knew I wouldn't have to resort to it anyway. Even if I had, I promise it wouldn't have hurt."

As much as he wanted to be angry at her for it, her completely casual attitude towards all of this made him chuckle in spite of himself. He knew it wasn't a normal reaction by any means, but he couldn't help finding something darkly funny about it. Besides, were their positions reversed, he couldn't honestly say he wouldn't try something similar. "So it's sex with you or a needle to the testicles, is it? In that case, I'm glad I said yes."

"As am I," Medusa agreed, placing the vial on her nightstand and reaching down to cup his face in her hand. "I won't settle for anyone else as my child's father. One way it another, I have to have you. No hard feelings, right?"

"Oh, of course not," Orochimaru said, one corner of his mouth twitching up. "I'm your prized stud. Such an honor." His lips curved into a full smile, one far less benign than the one before it. "Although..."

Before Medusa could react, he grabbed hold of her upper arms and flipped them over on the bed, pinning her beneath him. He gripped her shoulders tightly, and if he was hurting her, she didn't show it and he didn't particularly care. "If you ever _do _try something like that on me, I promise you'll wake up with your entire reproductive system missing. You had better understand that I am _not _one of your test subjects."

_Wrong, _Medusa thought, internally bristling at being treated so roughly. He really had forgotten who was the dominant one here. _It's you who needs to understand - you will be whatever I decide you are. _But this was neither the time nor the place to get that through her partner's thick skull. Instead, she put on a sweet face, pulled her right arm out of his hold (he had the good sense not to grab her again), and ran a gentle hand through his hair. "Of course not, love," she said, soft and unthreatening. Putting her hand around the back of his head, she brought him down to her and pressed her lips to his. He did not resist.

**~0~**


End file.
